Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Battle of the Fast Food Mascots: Round One

The votes are tallied and it is very clear who you folks like. Four out of the twelve mascots will not be participating in the battle. Jack, The Long John Silver's Pirate, Big Boy and Carl's Jr. Star will be in charge of cleaning the bathrooms and running the concession stands.

I used a randomizer to pick the first two combatants. Battling it out today we have Ronald Mcdonald versus Wendy. Before the fight gets underway I would like to interview each opponent.


PTM (Powdered Toast Man): I don't like the name Ronald, I'm gonna call you Ronnie and I don't care if you don't like it. Now for the record, how old are you?
Ronald Mcdonald: For what record?
PTM: The 'Just the Cheese' record.
Ronald Mcdonald: Well in that case it's none of you goddamn business.
PTM: Okay, moving on. Can you tell us something about Mcdonald's that we don't know?

Ronald Mcdonald: When we run out of hamburger meat, we steal it from the nearest Wendy's
PTM: Aren't you worried people will taste the difference?

Ronald Mcdonald: No, not really, it's all the same shit.
PTM: How are Grimace and the Hamburglar? We haven't heard much about them lately.
Ronald Mcdonald: The Hamburglar is currently on trial for grand theft auto and Grimace lives in a Trailer Park in Alabama with The Muppet Babies nanny.

PTM: Have you ever eaten at a Wendy's before?
Ronald Mcdonald: No, but I have eaten a girl named Wendy before.

PTM: Whoa Ronnie, that is too much information. This is a family program.
Ronald Mcdonald: No it's not, you talk about perverted things all the time.

PTM: Do you want to take this outside?
Ronald Mcdonald: I will see you in the parking lot after the match.

PTM: Wendy, I hope you are more cooperative than Ronnie.
Wendy: He sounds like a jerk, I'm glad I get to fight him.
PTM: But you are only a child. There is a chance that you could be killed.
Wendy: I take that chance every time I eat a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and a Frosty.
PTM: So do you have anything against Ronnie besides him being a jerk?
Wendy: I have caught him on numerous occasions with a prostitute in a Wendy's restroom.

PTM: That is disgusting. I will never get that image out of my head.
Wendy: I have been in therapy for 7 months because of it.

PTM: Let's change the subject. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Wendy: Mrs. Justin Timberlake. He's so dreamy.

PTM: Ahh, that was my dream at one point too. I mean boobs, I like boobs.
Wendy: Closeted homosexual. I knew it.

Time to pick the winner. Please vote on the poll to the top left of the blog. Then feel free to leave a comment on how awesome you think I am. Poll will close on Sunday at 11:59 pm.


Mark said...

The Wendy's Chick still scares the bejeezus out of me. She has to die. Well, maybe not that far, but she has to be stopped.

Cheryl said...

Wow, Ronnie really has a bad attitude....and he lied about not being at Wendy's when clearly he's been there with a hooker.

In his defense, he does follow your blog...he was quick to point out that you discuss perverted things all the time.

Wendy seems a little friendlier, perhaps because of the therapy and possible prescription drugs she gets from the therapist.

Chuck said...

Well truth be told I liked Wendy's better than Micky D's. I stopped eating most fast food a long time ago but if I had to buy a burger would be from Wendy's. Always loved MD's fries but hey with salt worries those are out!

Oh BTW..with that Wendy comment this is no longer a family show...FYI.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Would you trust a redhead?
Crap, they're both redheads...

Missed Periods said...

I think you are THIIIIS awesome.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Wendy is a little girl, and Ronnie strikes me as a pedophile. Because of that, I don't think poor Wendy stands a chance. I just hope its quick and the rape is relatively painless. said...

I like Wendy's better, but she likes Justin Timberlake. So Ronnie got my vote.


DEZMOND said...

Mrs Justin Timberlake... now that's a lovely dream....

Nippy The Penguin said...

Ronnie the Big Mac is gonna pimp slap Wendy and then follow that up with a "would you like fries with that?"

Baby Sister said...

I was a big Wendy fan until the Mrs Justin Timberlake line. Still, better than Ronald.