Lessons from Captain Obvious

Captain Obvious doesn't get enough credit. If he didn't give us advice that reminded us to do things we already knew, who would? Here is a page from his book of somewhat obvious lessons.


1) Don't play peek-a-boo or Marco Polo while driving

2) Petting a porcupine is a bad idea

3) If you are being questioned by a police officer, don't pee on his shoes

4) When you meet your girlfriend's mom, don't ask her about her cup size

5) Avoid wearing full body armor in a lightning storm

6) Raw chicken does not taste good

7) Do not run around the pool with scissors

8) Sandpaper is not a good substitution for toilet paper

9) Fire is very hot, don't run through it naked covered in gasoline

10) Abstain from getting tattoo advice from Mike Tyson

11) If you are looking to take Driver's Ed. and Lindsay Lohan is the instructor, walk away

12) Don't eat yellow, brown, green, red or black snow

13) If you like getting hit in the testicles, tell your wife she looks fat

14) Do not drive your dad's car on a lake with thin ice

15) Condoms are cheaper than diapers

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