Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lessons from Captain Obvious


Captain Obvious doesn't get enough credit. If he didn't give us advice that reminded us to do things we already knew, who would? Here is a page from his book of somewhat obvious lessons.


1) Don't play peek-a-boo or Marco Polo while driving

2) Petting a porcupine is a bad idea

3) If you are being questioned by a police officer, don't pee on his shoes

4) When you meet your girlfriend's mom, don't ask her about her cup size

5) Avoid wearing full body armor in a lightning storm

6) Raw chicken does not taste good

7) Do not run around the pool with scissors

8) Sandpaper is not a good substitution for toilet paper

9) Fire is very hot, don't run through it naked covered in gasoline

10) Abstain from getting tattoo advice from Mike Tyson

11) If you are looking to take Driver's Ed. and Lindsay Lohan is the instructor, walk away

12) Don't eat yellow, brown, green, red or black snow

13) If you like getting hit in the testicles, tell your wife she looks fat

14) Do not drive your dad's car on a lake with thin ice

15) Condoms are cheaper than diapers

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14 comments:

Baby Sister said...

Oh but come on!! Peek a boo is my favorite game to play when driving!!

Pat Tillett said...

Seriously, don't you ever dare yourself to close your eyes for short periods of time while driving? Oh, me neither...

Mark said...

Condoms are cheaper than diapers is incredibly good life advice really.

Sherry Ellis said...

Too funny! I'll tell my dog not to eat yellow snow!

Cheryl said...

I thing the condoms being cheaper than diapers should be mass marketed on T-shirts,bumper stickers ...well.. on everything really.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Can your dog pee on the officer's shoes instead?

Chuck said...

#15 is just sage advice...did you read that on a pack of Trojans?? Oh, wait...you'll be buying diapers soon, right?, my bad.

Al Penwasser said...

If your girlfriend's mom wears a cup, somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Psst, hop over and vote. It could make the difference. =)

xoRobyn

Missed Periods said...

If Lindsay Lohan were my driving teacher, she'd probably have me drive over a lake with thin ice.

A Beer For The Shower said...

I don't know what you're talking about. Raw chicken tastes amazing. It's when it comes up (along with my internal organs) that it starts tasting not so great.

Shockgrubz said...

I have eaten the green snow and it is tasty! Maybe you're telling people to avoid it to save it all for yourself, I'm not sure.

Rhonda said...

OMG - this is a great list, and so true, especially #13 - although I am a bit concerned of the logic of # 15, obvious as it might be.

Rhonda
www.laugh-quotes.com

DEZMOND said...

Amen to No15