Friday, February 15, 2013

Interview with Cupid


I ran into Cupid at a bar at two in the morning so I asked him if he would be willing to do an interview. So after he sobered up he dropped by to chat.


PTM: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Cupid: What? Who says that? I can understand Happy belated birthday but no one wishes belated Valentine's. Are you a moron?
PTM: Calm down there Cupid, sound like you have some pent up aggression.
Cupid: Duh, ya think?!? I hate Valentine's Day!

PTM: How can you hate it? That would be like Santa hating Christmas.
Cupid: Have you talked to Santa recently? V-day is the same old shit, stupid red Teddy Bears, flowers that die in 2 days and giant boxes of chocolate. I don't understand what chocolate and stuffed bears have to do with love.

PTM: Have you ever enjoyed your job?
Cupid: Yes, there was a time when people just loved each other for the sake of love. Now it is the greeting card companies trying to suck every penny from you. I currently have several lawsuits against Hallmark. Those greedy bastards are going down.

PTM: I had no idea you were this bitter. You know what I never understood, how come it is an arrow that magically makes someone fall in love? That seems like a weapon.
Cupid: To be honest, shooting someone with an arrow has never worked. They are either killed or seriously injured. My insurance premiums are astronomical. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong but I keep trying every year hoping that an arrow with stick in the right place.

PTM: You would think after the first few deaths you would give up.
Cupid: Momma didn't raise no quitter!!

PTM: It must get pretty cold working in February only wearing a diaper thing.
Cupid: You don't even know. My nipples can cut glass right now.

PTM: Those things are quite erect. Would you mind if I touched them?
Cupid: I thought you would never ask, I haven't been touched me in sooo long

PTM: Ok, it just got weird. I just wanted to touch them to see how hard they actually were. You are being a bit too gay.
Cupid: Come on, there is nothing gay about a man with bread for a head touching a man that looks like a babys' nipples.

PTM: If you don't stop, I will have to file a sexual harassment suit. I already had to file one for Rawknrobyn and Captain Crunch.
Cupid: Sorry, I will get it together. Could you at least sent a hooker to my dressing room after the interview.

PTM: If you behave, I'll see what I can do.
Cupid: Thanks PTM, you are an okay guy, I don't care what the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy say about you.

PTM: What do they say?
Cupid: I've said too much. Okay interview over. I'll be in my dressing room. (leaves stage)
PTM: Dammit, where is he going? He never told me waht kind of prostitute he wanted. (runs after Cupid)


If you haven't yet voted on the Fast Food Mascot Battle: Round Two, the poll is up at the top left of the blog. If you vote I will send you 3 cookies of your choice.










14 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That interview almost went south!
Congratulations on second place over at Robyn's.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

My bet is Cupid would like a kinky sort of prostitute who would tie him up and spank his cute little butt. Give it a whirl.

Mark said...

I always imagined Cupid was pretty angry and bitter about everything. I hope he can help destroy the monster he created.

Cheryl said...

Well...who would be at all surprised that Cupid is a sick little bastard? How many grown men run around in a diaper carrying a weapon get called "healthy"? No, of course he's a sicko.

Shaharizan Perez said...

This is brilliant! I almost peed my pants when Cupid asked for the prostitute! Fantastic!

Chuck said...

And here I thought that Cupid was the last upstanding and wholesome fake Holiday character. Well you burst that bubble! I hope you are proud of yourself!

DEZMOND said...

Ooh, I volunteer to be Cupid's prostitute... after all I am a bit slutty.... everybody knows it LOL

Sherry Ellis said...

OMG. I never knew Cupid was so disgruntled and kinky! ;)

DWei said...

Cupid forgot about the Valentine's day sex.

Voted for Sanders. Give me my cookies!

Bart said...

lol i just buy em flowers, bitches love flowers

Shockgrubz said...

I've been sitting in the dressing room for days, but he hasn't shown back up. I guess this is another V-day down the tubes.

Baby Sister said...

I always knew there was something a little fishy about him...

Birgit said...

Cupid goes by another name Baby Faced Nelson and he probably needs a shave. He already had a prositute which is why he is so surly..her name was Sand Paper Sally

The Blue Grumpster said...

Haha that's more like it. Last year I didn't have the guts to skip x-mas, but this year I sure as hell in a fairy book skipped v-day. That's why I've got some money left in my good ol' Mr Wallet.