Friday, February 15, 2013

Interview with Cupid

I ran into Cupid at a bar at two in the morning so I asked him if he would be willing to do an interview. So after he sobered up he dropped by to chat.

PTM: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Cupid: What? Who says that? I can understand Happy belated birthday but no one wishes belated Valentine's. Are you a moron?
PTM: Calm down there Cupid, sound like you have some pent up aggression.
Cupid: Duh, ya think?!? I hate Valentine's Day!

PTM: How can you hate it? That would be like Santa hating Christmas.
Cupid: Have you talked to Santa recently? V-day is the same old shit, stupid red Teddy Bears, flowers that die in 2 days and giant boxes of chocolate. I don't understand what chocolate and stuffed bears have to do with love.

PTM: Have you ever enjoyed your job?
Cupid: Yes, there was a time when people just loved each other for the sake of love. Now it is the greeting card companies trying to suck every penny from you. I currently have several lawsuits against Hallmark. Those greedy bastards are going down.

PTM: I had no idea you were this bitter. You know what I never understood, how come it is an arrow that magically makes someone fall in love? That seems like a weapon.
Cupid: To be honest, shooting someone with an arrow has never worked. They are either killed or seriously injured. My insurance premiums are astronomical. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong but I keep trying every year hoping that an arrow with stick in the right place.

PTM: You would think after the first few deaths you would give up.
Cupid: Momma didn't raise no quitter!!

PTM: It must get pretty cold working in February only wearing a diaper thing.
Cupid: You don't even know. My nipples can cut glass right now.

PTM: Those things are quite erect. Would you mind if I touched them?
Cupid: I thought you would never ask, I haven't been touched me in sooo long

PTM: Ok, it just got weird. I just wanted to touch them to see how hard they actually were. You are being a bit too gay.
Cupid: Come on, there is nothing gay about a man with bread for a head touching a man that looks like a babys' nipples.

PTM: If you don't stop, I will have to file a sexual harassment suit. I already had to file one for Rawknrobyn and Captain Crunch.
Cupid: Sorry, I will get it together. Could you at least sent a hooker to my dressing room after the interview.

PTM: If you behave, I'll see what I can do.
Cupid: Thanks PTM, you are an okay guy, I don't care what the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy say about you.

PTM: What do they say?
Cupid: I've said too much. Okay interview over. I'll be in my dressing room. (leaves stage)
PTM: Dammit, where is he going? He never told me waht kind of prostitute he wanted. (runs after Cupid)

If you haven't yet voted on the Fast Food Mascot Battle: Round Two, the poll is up at the top left of the blog. If you vote I will send you 3 cookies of your choice.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That interview almost went south!
Congratulations on second place over at Robyn's.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

My bet is Cupid would like a kinky sort of prostitute who would tie him up and spank his cute little butt. Give it a whirl.

Mark said...

I always imagined Cupid was pretty angry and bitter about everything. I hope he can help destroy the monster he created.

Cheryl said...

Well...who would be at all surprised that Cupid is a sick little bastard? How many grown men run around in a diaper carrying a weapon get called "healthy"? No, of course he's a sicko.

Shaharizan Perez said...

This is brilliant! I almost peed my pants when Cupid asked for the prostitute! Fantastic!

Chuck said...

And here I thought that Cupid was the last upstanding and wholesome fake Holiday character. Well you burst that bubble! I hope you are proud of yourself!

DEZMOND said...

Ooh, I volunteer to be Cupid's prostitute... after all I am a bit slutty.... everybody knows it LOL

Sherry Ellis said...

OMG. I never knew Cupid was so disgruntled and kinky! ;)

DWei said...

Cupid forgot about the Valentine's day sex.

Voted for Sanders. Give me my cookies!

Bart said...

lol i just buy em flowers, bitches love flowers

Shockgrubz said...

I've been sitting in the dressing room for days, but he hasn't shown back up. I guess this is another V-day down the tubes.

Baby Sister said...

I always knew there was something a little fishy about him...

Birgit said...

Cupid goes by another name Baby Faced Nelson and he probably needs a shave. He already had a prositute which is why he is so surly..her name was Sand Paper Sally

The Blue Grumpster said...

Haha that's more like it. Last year I didn't have the guts to skip x-mas, but this year I sure as hell in a fairy book skipped v-day. That's why I've got some money left in my good ol' Mr Wallet.