I ran into Cupid at a bar at two in the morning so I asked him if he would be willing to do an interview. So after he sobered up he dropped by to chat.
PTM: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Cupid: What? Who says that? I can understand Happy belated birthday but no one wishes belated Valentine's. Are you a moron?
Cupid: Duh, ya think?!? I hate Valentine's Day!
PTM: How can you hate it? That would be like Santa hating Christmas.
Cupid: Have you talked to Santa recently? V-day is the same old shit, stupid red Teddy Bears, flowers that die in 2 days and giant boxes of chocolate. I don't understand what chocolate and stuffed bears have to do with love.
PTM: Have you ever enjoyed your job?
Cupid: Yes, there was a time when people just loved each other for the sake of love. Now it is the greeting card companies trying to suck every penny from you. I currently have several lawsuits against Hallmark. Those greedy bastards are going down.
PTM: I had no idea you were this bitter. You know what I never understood, how come it is an arrow that magically makes someone fall in love? That seems like a weapon.
Cupid: To be honest, shooting someone with an arrow has never worked. They are either killed or seriously injured. My insurance premiums are astronomical. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong but I keep trying every year hoping that an arrow with stick in the right place.
PTM: You would think after the first few deaths you would give up.
Cupid: Momma didn't raise no quitter!!
PTM: It must get pretty cold working in February only wearing a diaper thing.
Cupid: You don't even know. My nipples can cut glass right now.
PTM: Those things are quite erect. Would you mind if I touched them?
Cupid: I thought you would never ask, I haven't been touched me in sooo long
PTM: Ok, it just got weird. I just wanted to touch them to see how hard they actually were. You are being a bit too gay.
Cupid: Come on, there is nothing gay about a man with bread for a head touching a man that looks like a babys' nipples.
PTM: If you don't stop, I will have to file a sexual harassment suit. I already had to file one for Rawknrobyn and Captain Crunch.
Cupid: Sorry, I will get it together. Could you at least sent a hooker to my dressing room after the interview.
PTM: If you behave, I'll see what I can do.
Cupid: Thanks PTM, you are an okay guy, I don't care what the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy say about you.
PTM: What do they say?
Cupid: I've said too much. Okay interview over. I'll be in my dressing room. (leaves stage)
PTM: Dammit, where is he going? He never told me waht kind of prostitute he wanted. (runs after Cupid)
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