A Movie Review, You Don't Say?

Okay so it has been waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long since I have done a movie review. You are probably wondering how long. Well I will tell you if you can just sit still and stop hitting your sister. My last movie review was May 31st!!! WTF?!?! What have I been doing? I know I have seen movie since then. I am very disappointed in myself and so should you. After this post I will sit in the corner for a timeout wearing my dunce cap. I got it from Santa, it's made of sharp cheddar, mmmmm. Now let's get this wagon train a movin'.

My sister knows that I love movies so she got me super saver movie tickets for Christmas, eight of them to be exact. She also threw in some SnoCaps, Butterfinger Bites and Goobers. She buys them in bulk so she can get a discount. I think it breaks down to like $6 or $7 a ticket which is well worth it since they rape you at the theaters. Nicole and I decided (well more my decision than hers, I kind of forced her) to see True Grit. Now before I get into the juicy details I want to start with a little negative to boil your blood a little. So essentially we have free tickets to see this movie. When we get our tickets for the movie at the window the girl tells us that they are allowed to charge a surcharge for certain movies and we owed them $3 ($1.50 per ticket for those of you struggling with the math). $3 is not a lot of dinero but it is the principle of the matter. What is the point of super saver tickets if they can charge you extra fees?!?! Fucking bullshit.This girl was a bitch too. I have gotten these tickets from my sister before and I have never run into this problem. I think this girl was making it up and was pocketing the money. Now that I got that out of my system, onto the review.

First off, I love the Coen brothers. They write and direct some awesome flicks. If you haven't seen and loved The Big Lebowski than there is something wrong with you. Right Pat? If you haven't seen the trailer or commercials for True Grit then you must be living under a rock with Patrick Star. I heard from someone that it wasn't suppose to be a remake of the 1969 True Grit starring John Wayne but it appeared to me that it was with the character names and synopsis but I haven't seen the John Wayne version so I can't be sure on that. I would assume that the John Wayne version is more westerny and not modernized like this one.

The new True Grit stars Jeff Bridges (who is full of awesomesauceness), Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld, Josh Brolin and Barry Pepper. The simple plot of the movie is the Earth is attacked by aliens on July 4th and much of the major cities get destroyed. No, that doesn't sound right. I think that is the plot of Independence Day. Wait let me think for a second, it will come to me......(playing Jeopardy music)

Ah huh, got it! Hailee Steinfeld's character Mattie hires Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) who is a tough, drunk U.S. Marshall to track down her father's murderer. Matt Damon plays a Texas Ranger named LeBouef who helps along the way. I know exactly what you are thinking. You think they should of cast Chuck Norris as the Texas Ranger since he has Texas Ranger acting experience. Well I concur with your thoughts. As much as I like Matt Damon I think Chuck would of brought some more whoop-ass to the scene. Come to think of it he could of played all the roles and directed and worked the camera all at the same time. (See previous post to learn more about Chuck Norris).

I have never seen or heard of Hailee Steinfeld before this movie. She deserves an award for her performance. She was superb. Her and Bridges were a dynamic pair. Her character is very spunky and assertive. She can light some fires under some asses. I don't think anyone else can pull off the eye patch like Jeff Bridges, not even a real pirate. I wonder if his wife asks him to wear it in the bedroom? That has to throw off your depth perception a little bit. 'Honey, you're about 3 feet from the hole.' Jeff's performance was also amazing. Coen brothers movies always have excellent dialogue. There was just the right amount of humor in this film not too make it cheesy. I would throw in some of my favorite lines but I don't want to spoil it for you. I try to tell you as little as possible so as not to ruin anything for you. A true review you can't use.

I want to see the original John Wayne version to see how this one holds up. I'm sure I will like the new one better. I'm not a big true western fan. I like westerns that aren't really westerns if you know what I mean. If you don't, it's alright, I'm special, I took the short bus to school.

I highly recommend True Grit. You kind of don't really know what is going to happen. I give it 8 out of 10 stars. It currently stands as a 8.5 on IMDB with over 6,000 votes. How can over 6,000 people be wrong? Unless we are talking about Nazis then you have to rethink what we are discussing.