Due to advances in technology, artificial intelligence and medical science we were able to insert the Corona Virus into a robot in order to conduct an interview.
PTM (Powdered Toast Man): Thank you Corona Virus for sitting down with us today. I am going to call you CV for short.
CV (Corona Virus): Glad to be here. I am going to call you PTM for short.
PTM: Sounds good. I am just going to get to the meat and potatoes of this thing. What the fuck are you doing?
CV: Umm, what do you mean? You have to be more specific.
PTM: What do I mean? You have killed thousands of people and infected thousands more. Why?
CV: You might find this funny. I was trying to get revenge on a guy named Gus that bullied me in middle school.
PTM: So why didn't you just infect him?
CV: Well, I couldn't remember his last name and I haven't seen him in years so I don't know what he looks like.
PTM: That is like trying to kill an ant with a bazooka.
CV: I know, I know. But he was a real jerk. He stole all my POGS and Slammers. Do you remember POGS?
PTM: Yes, I played with them when I was in 4th grade. They were a short lived fad. I am sure the people watching at home are going to Google POGS because they have no idea what they are.
CV: I bought some on Ebay last year if you want to play after the show.
PTM: Maybe if I have enough time before my bikini wax. Stop trying to sweet talk me. You are still a deadly virus that is causing a pandemic. Do you even know if Gus was infected?
CV: No, no I don't. I figured it would eventually get to him.
PTM: That is what you are banking on?!?
CV: I know it isn't the best plan. At least it is better than the plans Plankton has on SpongeBob Squarepants. I love that show.
PTM: I am finding it hard to hate you. That is one of my favorite shows. I reference it all the time.
CV: What do you think a Krabby Patty is made of? It can't be beef can it? Where would they get it from?
PTM: I don't know but my grandma has a theory that it has real and imitation crab in it.
CV: That would make Mr. Krabs so evil. Although, I have never seen him eat a Krabby Patty.
PTM: That is a good point. I just thought my grandma was going a little crazy.
CV: We all go a little crazy sometimes.
PTM: So can you stop spreading the virus already?
CV: Not until I know Gus is dead.
PTM: What if I just track down Gus and kill him myself?
CV: I guess that would work.
PTM: I will assemble my team and get to work on finding Gus.
CV: Or was his name Kevin?
PTM: I fucking hate you. Forget about playing POGS. Just go, interview over.
CV: I will friend you on Facebook.
PTM: SECURITY!!
12 comments:
We're dead.
glad my name isn't Gus or Kevin or....oh damn, what if it's really looking for a female.
CV is so happy that he remembers Gus was a moron so now he will Centre on all those idiots grouping together at the beach and protesting having to do social distancing. He is also a god fearing, gun toting virus so he is going to all those churches as well.i bet Gus is there too.
What if he's actually looking for Gus the Talking Mule?
At least he has a personality! I would have asked him if he remembered Bubble Buddy - god I loved that guy!
Thank you for the much needed laugh. And yes, I'm going to look up POGS. Heh...
CV? Nah, the better name is the Rona... I do remember POGS. I worked at the evil toy store (now defunct) when those were all the rage...
This is why kids should not be bullies in high school.
We had POGS!! Except we didn't play with them. We traded them with each other.
Thanks for adding a bit of levity to the situation. :) Too bad CV isn't a little more discerning...
Well hell, that was no help.
Thank you for speaking for all of us. WTF is CV doing? If only Gus had finished CV off in middle school.
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