Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Missed Connections

The missed connections are real. I took them straight from Craigslist. The replies are my creation.

Class - m4w

Missed Connection - We have a couple classes together and we have had class together in past. Sometimes we sit by each other. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are really cute, you have this look about you, it is different but really sexy. 

Reply - Are you talking about my glass eye? No one has ever told me it was sexy before. I lost it in a fight with my brother over the last hot dog at dinner. Want to grab a breakfast burrito at 7-Eleven?

Buying gas with change this morning - m4w

Missed Connection - You were petite and very good looking in line in front of me purchasing fuel with a bagful of change, hope you see this, and i hope you werent looking at me because i had something on my face or a booger or sumthing....anyways, your cute! 

Reply - U thunked I were cute? Dat iz so swet. I founded dat monies on der grownd all ober da plaic. U did haf a boogie in yer nose. I thunked it were funnie. I like putty tats!!

Chinden Trailer Park - m4w

Missed ConnectionI drove by and you were putting up pink flamingos in your yard. You caught my attention because you were wearing bright pink spandex and a tank top. My truck was so muddy you asked if you could wash it. I couldn't take my eyes off your missing tooth, and couldn't wait to get closer to that mouth. You make my pants tight when I think about you and want to see you again. I want to see your toes too. I love toes. 

Reply - Are you serious dude? Are you talking about my wife? Is that how you pick up chick by telling them you want to see their toes? Get a life you fucking loser. I'm the reason she is missing that tooth and if you come near our trailer again I will beat your ass with one of the flamingos. 

In your own heart - m4w

Missed know what you did wrong. You betrayed me at Thanksgiving through a curtain
of lies and deceit. After everything we had gone through as friends and you tossed it aside
like it was nothing.
No wonder your ex left you. No wonder you have so few friends. 

I forgive you but you are not a very good person.
Karma will bite your ass...hard, and yet I will always
keep my promise to protect you when you need it.
Because I'm a good man.
Much better than you deserve.

Reply - That is no way to speak to your grandmother. Just for that, I am not giving you any money for your birthday or Christmas this year. You think long and hard about what you did. I will be waiting for a phone call with your apology or I am telling your mother. 


Tony Van Helsing said...

Who could possibly resist that last one?

Mark said...

I don't know what's funnier, your replies or the fact that people actually do this shit.

Pat Tillett said...

Earthlings are so frigging stupid!
"That's no way to speak to your grandmother." classic...

I wonder if that other lady is going to keep an eye for him!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The missing tooth creeped me out!

Ms. A said...

Do people really write things like this on Craigslist?

AccordingtoJewels said...

I cringed at the missing tooth and toe fetish. *ick*

I've never looked at those and I think it'll stay that way. lol

Birgit said...

Nothing from Walmart??? The pink Flamingo lady...Hmmmm...I wonder if that was Divine. Oh my how creepy

Shockgrubz said...

This is a great use for ads that, for the most part, end up being unread. Gratz for the hilarious recycling method.

Chuck said...

I think I have missed, I'm SURE I have missed these! Funny stuff. said...

It's great to see you back, and back to make me laugh hysterically. Poor grandma.

Missed ya.