Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Maxim cheating advice


I was lucky enough to sit down and talk with former President Bill Clinton and he had a lot to talk about. We don't have the time to go over everything we talked about but he did leave me with some advice. I give you, in no specific order, Slick Willy's guide to cheating on your spouse. Warning: The tips below are not the opinions of Powdered Toast Man or anyone affiliated with Just the Cheese. We do not condone or endorse the following information. It is solely promoted by Bill Clinton.

1) Do not leave bubble wrap lying around on the floor of your house or apartment. It makes it difficult to sneak back into the house after tapping some ass.

2) Do not text or sext your mistress or gigolo while you are having relations with your significant other.

3) Do not get involved with glitter, it is impossible to wash off and stays with you for weeks.

4) When receiving fellatio or cunnilingus in your office make sure the door is securely locked.

5) Do not babysit for the person you are having an affair with. It arises suspicion and poses too many questions.

6) Always sign a prenuptial agreement.

7) When thinking of baby names disregard the names of the hooker's you slept with.

8) Having two wives/husbands that don't know about each other only works on TV.

9) Deny, Deny, Deny.

10) A tattoo of a woman's name that is not your wifes' is suicide.

Advisory: Any interest in these tips by Just the Cheese staff is only for amusement. We are in no way consenting that these are good tips.

9 comments:

AccordingtoJewels said...

Noted and committed to memory.

PS-No shit though-glitter is a bitch! Unless you're a 13 yr old kid playing with dollar store makeup leave that shit alone!!!

PPS-I feel filthy and really wrong using the 13 yr old reference in this kind of post but am leaving it anyway. I'm badass like that.

Mark said...

Well that's one baby name out the window. Well okay, maybe about 5.

Steve Bailey said...

Damn you glitter!!!!! Bill is a cheating guru!!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I won't ask what he was using the bubble wrap for...

dirtycowgirl said...

Re the glitter - you should add spray in hair dye (especially the florescent kind) to that.

...I assume...

*cough*

Jeffrey Beesler said...

Will you also be featuring that lovely segment on Lorena Bobbitt you were promising us?

Bart said...

sounds like common sense, then again the younger generations lack it. so probably helpful

Birgit said...

Make sure the doors are locked and the windows closed...remember the ballgame in Toronto years ago. People were not watching baseball.

Pat Tillett said...

Bubble wrap? That's a new one to me. I'll have to consult with Dr. Ruth about it...