Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Man vs Wild: In the ring


I have decided that I could take on a wolf or coyote in hand to hand combat. As long as it doesn't get a hold of my jugular I believe I could defend myself and come away with minor injuries. I am able to take down my sister's pit bull no problem so I figure a wolf or coyote wouldn't be that much different. Now a bigger animal like a bear or a lion, then I'm fucked, there is no winning that fight unless I had a AK-47. I actually wouldn't even want to fight something small like a raccoon or a opossum. Those things are secret ninja assassins and way to squirrelly for me. They would be on top of my head and I wouldn't even know it.

I am sure this goes on in other countries. Like Man versus wild: to the death or Man versus animal: MMA style.  Where a man or woman would go one on one versus another animal in the hexagonal cage. Animals like bears and lions would have to be fought 3 or 4 on 1 to make it fair. No weapons though, only what you are born with and your clothes on your back are allowed in the ring. And it wouldn't be like bull fighting where they kill the bull regardless of what happens. In this fight, if the animal wins, they get to live another day and fight another fight. Sure, it is somewhat inhumane but as long as the animals sign waivers, then it shouldn't be a problem.

We would never be able to organize this thing in the U.S., so a third world country would have to be it's birthplace. I would love to see three grown men fighting a bear inside a cage. Ah man, a fight against a porcupine would be interesting. I personally would feel bad just going up to the animal and kicking it in the face unless it provoked me first. Only land animals are allowed, there will be no fighting a shark in a giant fish tank, that is just asking for trouble. I'm not sure yet if I would allow birds, at least ones that could fly. Ostriches are okay because they are flightless. But is flying an advantage? The cage would have to have a roof in order for that too work. And no dueling against nonviolent or cute animals like penguins or rabbits. I will have to create a rule book and a list of animals that are allowed.

What do you think? Would you watch?

8 comments:

Workingdan said...

I would watch only if the animals signed waivers... otherwise it would just be cruel.

At least by signing a waiver it would be their own damn fault and not the humans for a change.

I would not participate though. My mom used to have a really mean cat and one time, it wouldn't let me out of the bathroom. They kept telling me to kick it but I couldn't bring myself to do it... the cat would have torn my ass apart!

AccordingtoJewels said...

Ostriches are not okay...those things will F you up! I am not sure that the animals know what they are signing up for taking you on though. As somebody who spent a good deal of time up the mountains I know that animals are bad ass! Wild turkeys-forget about it! Rattlers...no thank you. Ever been cornered by a pissed off groundhog? Not cool! Just not cool! Freaking bull broke loose from a farm and rampaged through our yard...I say good day. Freaking black bear wandered through my yard not long ago...again I say no thanks. I mean I'll watch you and all but I'm staying that hell outta that death match.

Mark said...

I would actually love to see three guys fight a bear, as long as the bear wins. I love animals so to see them beat the shit out of some people would be cool.

Bart said...

lol what. i bet you cant even take on an angry household dog.

Ms. A said...

Well, poop... guess that counts you out for the possum we battled yesterday!

Birgit said...

personally I would love to watch Ted Nugent, handcuffed, naked and bleeding in a cage with a bear. Yes he would have the disadvantge and I would make sure Ted's nuts would be dangling in the bear's face, you know, sort of an appetizer to the main course. Is that cruel?? I don't think so, i think that is humane. I would then throw Dick Chaney in with a bunch of swans. Swans can be nasty you know. I would not have Dick naked though that may scare the swans away. Dick would just be blindfolded.

Pat Tillett said...

There is no way a human is going to survive a cage match against a kangaroo, or ostrich, or even a chimpanzee! IF, that is, we could one that would sign the waiver. I guess they could just put an "x" on the signature. HOWEVER, a reality show on cable, just might air it...

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