Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I have decided that I could take on a wolf or coyote in hand to hand combat. As long as it doesn't get a hold of my jugular I believe I could defend myself and come away with minor injuries. I am able to take down my sister's pit bull no problem so I figure a wolf or coyote wouldn't be that much different. Now a bigger animal like a bear or a lion, then I'm fucked, there is no winning that fight unless I had a AK-47. I actually wouldn't even want to fight something small like a raccoon or a opossum. Those things are secret ninja assassins and way to squirrelly for me. They would be on top of my head and I wouldn't even know it.
I am sure this goes on in other countries. Like Man versus wild: to the death or Man versus animal: MMA style. Where a man or woman would go one on one versus another animal in the hexagonal cage. Animals like bears and lions would have to be fought 3 or 4 on 1 to make it fair. No weapons though, only what you are born with and your clothes on your back are allowed in the ring. And it wouldn't be like bull fighting where they kill the bull regardless of what happens. In this fight, if the animal wins, they get to live another day and fight another fight. Sure, it is somewhat inhumane but as long as the animals sign waivers, then it shouldn't be a problem.
We would never be able to organize this thing in the U.S., so a third world country would have to be it's birthplace. I would love to see three grown men fighting a bear inside a cage. Ah man, a fight against a porcupine would be interesting. I personally would feel bad just going up to the animal and kicking it in the face unless it provoked me first. Only land animals are allowed, there will be no fighting a shark in a giant fish tank, that is just asking for trouble. I'm not sure yet if I would allow birds, at least ones that could fly. Ostriches are okay because they are flightless. But is flying an advantage? The cage would have to have a roof in order for that too work. And no dueling against nonviolent or cute animals like penguins or rabbits. I will have to create a rule book and a list of animals that are allowed.
What do you think? Would you watch?
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 7:00 AM