Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Things an xmas tree might say...


I thought up this idea mid December but never got around to writing it. Better late than never. If a Christmas Tree and a Hanukkah Menorah ever crossed paths. Things a Christmas Tree might say to a Hanukkah Menorah

Do these ornaments make me look gay?

Every year I tell them no tinsel, but do they listen to me?

If I had the ability to urinate, I would take a leak on all these presents.

At least at the end of you holiday you get to be blown.

You know my cousin Sal was the tree in Rockefellar Center last year, no joke.

Do you know where I can get one of those hats your people wear?

If I hear those damn kids sing that Jingle Bells song again I will burn this mother down.

Are you giving me the finger?

Oh no!! I'm losing all my needles. I knew this day would come.

So do you know the deal behind the Easter Bunny and hiding eggs?

Have you seen Passion of the Christ yet? Man, they really gave it to that Jesus dude.

I can't hear them but I know all those trees out there are laughing at me.

I don't like the way that cat is looking at me.



13 comments:

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

A little late (early?) for Xmas themed stuff, but hey I'm not complaining haha.

Mark said...

Menorahs do have it way better than Christmas Trees.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Who's the fat guy with the beard?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

At least you get to be blown - hilarious!

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Bouncin Barb said...

Hahaha...at least you get to be blown! That was priceless.

Bushman said...

You forgot, "Hey wanna see my trunk?"

Birgit said...

Love your artistic bent writing- you make me laugh. so much more could be said...what about those white fake trees with bows on them?

Sujana said...

Your post made me wish it was December again!

Shockgrubz said...

I guffawed at the blown part. Thanks for that.

NellieVaughn said...

Mine would never speak, because it's plastic. I would say that it's environmentally responsible of me, but I am just poor.

Workingdan said...

Cats and xmas trees...not a good mix! One of the reasons I hate putting up a tree.

Pat Tillett said...

Glad to see the layoff hasn't dulled your wit! Merry Christmas!