Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Thoughts of a newborn baby

What a newborn baby might be thinking or trying to say:

- Whoa, was it slimy in there. Wipe this crap off of me.

- I'm starving, can you direct me to the nearest nipple?

- Can you smell that?

- Excuse me, when do I get my balls?

- I was so bored for the last nine months, you have no idea.

- Thank you, I've had to burp for the past hour.

- Should I tell him that I'm onto this peek-a-boo game and I know he's not disappearing?

- I think I sprung a leak down here.

- If you were sitting in your own shit for the past 4 hours, you would be crying too.

- I'm not sure why you put shoes on my feet, I can't even walk.

- I love boobies.

- Hey mom, daddy and the babysitter were wrestling again today.

- I hate Dr. Phil.

-

11 comments:

Mark said...

I like the idea that babies aren't capable of such rational thought. It means I can rest easy for a few years before I think they're plotting my demise.

Workingdan said...

As a father, I can't help but think that babies do such things just to piss us off!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Laughed out loud at the fourth one!

Ms. A said...

Definitely makes you wonder!

Jo-Anne's Rambling said...

I think they would also be thinking why do I no have to have these things over my body I was just fine for 9 months with nothing on and now I am forced to wear things but I am also glad I am no longer pooing or pissing on myself.........so maybe these big people know what they are doing..........

Chuck said...

Daddy and the babysitter wrestling!! Gold man, pure gold.

emily said...

hahahahahahha!

Pat Tillett said...

I've missed this stuff!
It's a good think they can't talk! Number 4 is awesome. Now I say, when am I gonna get them back?

Baby Sister said...

#5 was probably my favorite. Or #6.

Spacerguy said...

Hilarious stuff toast man!

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