The Cheesecake Factory Review Revisited

If you are keeping track, which you're probably not, this is my 2nd Cheesecake Factory review. If you missed the first one click here. You didn't click there did you? Why not? It's either because you read it already, you're lazy or you hate me for some reason. Was it because I bought the last Justin Bieber tickets and you didn't get to go? I'm sorry, I will bake you some chocolate chip cookies and mail them out to you asap.

Nicole, her family and I went to the Cheesecake Factory 2 Sunday's ago to celebrate her dad's retirement. This is especially good for me because her parents always treat. Nothing better than a free meal. They don't let me pay, they don't accept cash, food stamps or rubles.

I am going to try and give each food item a quick review so as not to bore you. I also want to keep your attention long enough so my band of ninjas can raid your garage and/or shed.

Appetizers: (Her dad always orders more than enough appetizers)


The Bread - Warm and heavenly. No need for butter.


Sweet Corn Fritters - I don't know how the farmers grow the corn this way but it is tasty. They came with a yellowish dipping sauce. I don't know what it was. It could of been honey mustard, liquid corn sauce or pureed crayon but it was delicious.

Nachos - You figure nachos are nachos. And you'd be right. Nothing extra special about these bad boys except they came with it's own Mariachi.


Dynamite Tempura Shrimp - I ordered these for myself cuz I'm selfish like that. They were good but didn't meet up to my expectations. The waiter made them sound orgasmic. I kept lighting the tails but they wouldn't explode. Talk about your false advertising. My lawyer is filling out the paper work for the lawsuit.

Avocado Eggrolls - I'm not a big fan of avocado but these were scrumptious. These also came with a mystery sauce. I suppose I could go to the CF website and look it up but that would ruin the mystique.

Fried Calamari - I only had one so I forget what it tasted like. They usually don't have much flavor. Do you ever get worried that the suction cups are going to stick to your throat? Do calamari have suction cups or is that just squids and octopuses?

Soup of the Day: White Cheddar Broccoli - As soon as the waiter uttered the words 'white cheddar' my taste buds screamed 'get it, get it'. Nicole wanted it too so we shared a bowl. I think they were out of bowls because they served it in a mini bathtub. I must of pissed off the cook without knowing it because it was more like broccoli broccoli soup than white cheddar broccoli. The broccoli was also chopped very fine and smothered the taste of the white cheddar. I was highly disappointed as was Nicole. 

Hungry yet?

Main Course/Entree:

Pasta Carbonara - This is what Nicole ordered. I had a few bites. It was tasty but it's hard to remember how good it was because of what I had. I vaguely remember what everyone else order and it doesn't matter cuz I didn't eat anyone else's food.

Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta - My meal. Here is the description straight from their menu: Honey Glazed Chicken, Asparagus, Red and Yellow Peppers, Peas, Garlic and Onion in a Spicy Chipotle Parmesan Cream Sauce. Your mouth is watering right now isn't it? And nothing you eat in the next hour with satisfy your hunger. Oh, I wish I still had leftovers. It was deeeeeeeelicious. I made sure I ate enough to satisfy my craving but that I left enough room for dessert. Also I made sure I had a good amount of leftovers. Those lasted me 2 days. I had to fight the urge not to eat it when I got home.

 Dessert:

Chocolate Tower Truffle Cake - Nicole's brother ordered this. It looked like the Empire State Building made of chocolate. It was enormous and he ate most of it. Everyone else ordered cheesecake but I didn't sample any but my own.

Chocolate Coconut Cream Cheesecake - Coconut Cheesecake Topped with Coconut Cream Custard, all on a Chocolate Macaroon Crust. I ate every last bite (except for some cream custard) and it was delectable. And guess what? You didn't have any. Neener, neener, neener. I'm a mean son of a bitch, aren't I? I don't care that it probably had 1000 calories.

The only big downside to this dinner was that I missed the first half of the Giants game. I hope that I made you hungry, try not to slobber to much on your keyboard, saliva is hard to clean out of the keys.