Interview with the Easter Bunny

I recently took my kids to see the Easter Bunny. After the pictures were taken I swooped in and asked Mr. Bunny if he would be willing to sit down for an interview. He said to call his agent to check his schedule. I called his agent. He was booked solid for a month.

 Luckily, the Mall he was scheduled to be at was evacuated because someone pulled the fire alarm. Also someone let thousands of bees loose. Don't know who did it but I thank them.Here he is for a quick chat.

PTM (Powdered Toast Man): Thanks for sitting down with me for a quick chat. I know you are super busy. So what do you prefer, Easter Bunny, Mr. Bunny or E.B.?

Easter Bunny: Actually it's just a stage name. You can call me Ralph.

PTM: Sure thing Ralph. You can call me PTM. I know you don't have a lot of time so let's get right down to it. What is your favorite sexual position?

Easter Bunny: Whoa! Coming at me right out of the gate. I like your spunk. The answer is Reverse Cowgirl. My 2nd favorite is the Tijuana Surprise.

PTM: I don't mess around. Just ask Cupid. I've always wanted to try Reverse Cowgirl but I have never heard of the Tijuana Surprise. 

Easter Bunny: Really?? I pegged you for a kinky SOB. I don't have time to explain all the details but it involves 6 pairs of rubber gloves, lime juice, snorkels and a very sturdy unicycle. 

PTM: We must talk more about that when you have the time. I am always up for something new. I am sure you get this question a lot but do you hang out with any of the other Holiday Mascots?

Easter Bunny: Well first off we don't like to be called mascots. We prefer the term Holiday Sponsors. Santa used to be fun but he is old and bitter now since Mrs. Claus doesn't touch his dick anymore. Cupid is a lonely alcoholic and only wants to watch British Documentaries on Netflix. The Leprechaun and I don't speak anymore since he slept with my mom 5 years ago. The only one I still talk to is the Tooth Fairy. We went to High School together. We go paint balling every other weekend. He's super weird but a lot of fun.

PTM: I interviewed Cupid like 6 years ago. I could see that he would become an alcoholic. Such a sad and depressed dude. I used to play a lot of paint ball when I was younger. I would love to join you guys for a game sometime. 

Easter Bunny: I have to run it by the Tooth Fairy first. He is very particular on who he plays with. One time I ran into one of the Keebler Elves while grocery shopping and I invited him to play with us. That was a disaster.

PTM: Which Keebler Elf?

Easter Bunny: I want to say his name was Guillermo but don't quote me on that. 

PTM: You sure he was a Keebler Elf? I don't remember a Guillermo.

Easter Bunny: Or maybe it was one of those dudes from Rice Krispies. Ya know, Snatch, Krinkle and Plop.

PTM: Umm, ok then. I would love to find out who else you think you know but we are out of time.

Easter Bunny: I did a lot of drugs in high school, and college and in my 30's.

PTM: I bet you did. That would explain a lot. Thanks for doing this Ralph. I hope those bees I let loose didn't kill anyone.

Easter Bunny: I knew it!!!!

If you would like to read the interview with Cupid, click here.