Thursday, May 27, 2010

Rare Interview

I think that Jaws gets a bad rap. We don't know what was going on in his life. We all just assume he's an evil shark bent on killing innocent people. We don't know the truth....... until now. I recently found a rare interview with Jaws' wife after his untimely death. Never before released to the public.

Reporter Neil Blacksmith & Jaws' Wife

I am sorry for your loss Mrs. Jaws

Thank you Neil, you can call me Marg.

Marg, I apologize in advance if my questions are blunt but people need to know things.

That's quite alright. Ask whatever you want.

Did you know your husband was a serial killer?

How dare you call him that!! He was a good fish, he didn't deserve what he got (starts to tear).

How was he a good fish? He murdered innocent people.

You don't know what he was going through. He was recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia with multiple personalities. He didn't know what he was doing half the time.

Please, continue.

He was such a gentle husband and father. He never hurt anybody for any reason. He would come home with blood all over him with an arm or a leg hanging out of his mouth and he had no idea what happened. He didn't know he was killing people. His other personality was doing it. I named his other half Lenny. We didn't know what to do. We couldn't go to the police, they would just lock him up or throw him in the loony bin. We thought the problem would just go away on it's own but it just ended up getting worse. What would you have done?

I'm sorry, what was the question? Your cleavage is distracting me.

You perv!! You track me down to interview me and then you stare at my chest? Is this how you do all your interviews?

Well... yeah, if the person/fish I'm interviewing has big boobs and is wearing a skimpy top. Don't get mad at me, I'm just a guy.

You best be glad that my eldest son isn't here or he would tear off your arms off (grabs her jacket and covers herself up). Now can you concentrate?

Yes, I'm sorry, can we continue with the interview? (nonchalantly conceals his massive erection).

I suppose so...... I hated that Quint, he got what he deserved. I would of ate him if my husband didn't. He was such an asshole. I am still trying to track down Chief Brody. I am going to enjoy eating him little by little (licking her lips and showing her teeth). I'm starting to get hungry.

What's for dinner? I'm pretty hun......... CHOMP!

(son enters the room) Mom, where's that reporter? I wanted to talk to him about dad.

I don't know what he's doing now but in a few hours he will be digesting.

Mom!?!? Again? That's 2 reporters this week!

What the hell do you expect? I'm a great white shark. I'd eat you if you weren't my son.


The Invisible Seductress said...

Heeee heeee.....Who knew??

Amber said...

Yeah, I never understood why anyone would try to hunt Jaws down. Sure, he ate a bunch of people but I'm pretty sure that he and his family were living at that beach before all those tourists came into town. I mean, if some stranger just waltzed into my home uninvited, I'd probably have to eat him.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

You know? Lenny is totally a serial killer schizo name. Poor Lennys of the world :-)

Lindzena said...

Ha, that's what you get pervy interview man! I need to watch that movie again.

Shannon said...

I'm starting to believe that you may have too much free time on your hands.

Chuck said...

Classic for a classic!

Copyboy said...

Wow! There really is 2 sides to every story. And 2 big boobs!!!

Cheeseboy said...

Mr. Powdered Toast - this is quite genius. I will watch it again with a whole new perspective.

Jerry said...

That is hilarious! But how the hell does she explain her husbands multiple deaths?


A biology teacher that I had in college, that actually discovered a new type of shark, told us that you can only pet a shark one way.... I think it was from head to fin.... If you pet a shark the other way, you'll cut your hand....