Monday, August 31, 2009
There was a bunch of people hootin’ and hollerin’ during the movie like they were at a Slipknot concert. They were laughing hysterically at parts of the movie, it was a horror not a comedy, there wasn’t anything funny about it. I don’t understand why someone would pay $10 to ruin someone else’s night and not pay attention to the movie. A lot of them just kept getting up in groups and leaving and coming back for no reason. It’s always a group of freakin’ crackheads that don’t have anything better to do than act like a bunch of morons. If you are one of these people stop going to the movies and stay the fuck home or else next time I’m going to stab you in the face.
I didn’t know what to expect going into this film, the trailers only showed only so much which I prefer because sometimes they put to much in them and it ruins the movie. Inglourious Basterds was excellent and fun for the whole family, okay maybe not for the little ones, it is about a posse of Jews savagely killing Nazis. I give the movie 4 ½ stars, I would of gave it 5 stars but I thought there were a few too many subtitles and I don’t go to the movies to read that’s what your sister’s diary is for.
It was two and a half hours of pure Tarantino genius. It didn’t feel like a long movie though, the storyline flowed like a beer keg at a frat house. Brad Pitt was the only big named star besides two voice overs by Samuel L. Jackson and Harvey Keitel which didn’t surprise me. This masterpiece didn’t need big named actors in it. Pitt’s character was the leader of the Basterds and surprisingly he was pretty comical, didn’t expect humor in a movie about killin’ Nazis.
Even Nicole liked this movie and she doesn’t usually like the same movies I do. I asked her to write a review but she wanted some money for it, this is a non-profit blog, we work for free here. We are actually going to see Halloween II tonight, maybe I can persuade her to write something about Rob Zombie and Michael Myers.
Go see Inglourious Basterds, it’s worth the $10 and first born child. Don’t take my word for it though, I only watch movies as a hobby. If you see it and don’t particularly enjoy the movie, write down your complaint on a clean sheet of paper, fold it up, put it in a stamped envelope and then shove it up your ass.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
One of my friends also told me that a few years ago she was on King Da Ka and the train didn't make it over the hill and it went backwards down the track. Instead of letting people off they tried again and this time it made it over. People should be required to wear some depends on King Da Ka. As a side note the new Bizarro coaster is pretty cool, it took the place of Medusa which I miss but what can I do?
We need to stop burying people, cemetaries are getting crowded and it is taking up a lot of space and land. I understand that it’s tradition in people’s families to have a plot and be buried but soon there will be nowhere to put our deceased. I, for one want to be cremated like my father was. For one, it’s less of a burden on my family to waste all that money on a casket and funeral. Secondly I don’t want to take up space in the ground, I’d rather my ashes be scattered somewhere special. I know a lot of people would disagree with what I’m saying because of religious beliefs and all but this is how I feel. The one thing I do like about a cemetary is that you can go visit your loved ones and pay your respects when you need to.
I probably mostly feel this way because I don’t believe in God nor in Heaven or Hell. If Heaven is such a great place then what are we doing on this Planet? When people die I think we just end up as part of the Earth, our remains turn get reincarnated into a tree or a plant.
Death does scare me, I think about it every once in while. Such as when I die the world will go on forever without me, 1000 years down the line what will I become? I can’t fathom not being able to just think, what is it like to be dead?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
As you may probably already know I had a guest writer recently that wrote a review about G.I. Joe. I have yet to see the movie but I'll take his word on what he had to say. He was a little tardy on getting the review to me but he was working for free so I won't hold it against him. He currently has his own blog now, I guess this craze is really catching on. His new blog is called Crazy Penguin Ramblings and you can check it out at http://crazypenguinramblings.blogspot.com/. You can also find him in the author section of my blog as Nippy the Penguin. He is just getting his flippers wet so he only has a few posts but he is on to something already.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
each kid has 7 backpacks,
each backpack has 7 cats,
each cat has 7 kittens.
How many legs are on the bus?
This is not a trick question, there is no bus driver, the bus in not moving. There is an actual answer. Let's see how good your math skills are...
Post your answer as a comment or email me at email@example.com
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
- Very tasty snack
- Made of marshmallow
- Can fix a leaky sink
- Can be used as whiteout
- The Fluffernutter would not exist without it
- Good sugar high
- Great name for a snack food
- Instant Santa Claus beard
- Used as a good prank food like whipped cream
- Hide other food underneath the table with it
- Acts as a Nair replacement
- Caulk around the bathtub with it
- Give grandma a facial
- Style your hair
- A bit too sweet
- Way too sticky
- Actually I just tried and it cannot fix a leaky sink
- Your high friends might mistake your homework for a snack after using it as whiteout
- Extremely difficult to get out of the jar
- Might have to explain to your coworkers why it looks like you have dried semen around your mouth
- Terrible name for a kid
- Very difficult to roast over the campfire
- After a few days, having to deal with the smell coming from underneath the table
- Girlfriend kills you after using Marshmallow Nair
- Lots of insects in your bathtub
I love the edible arrangements chocolate. It is like an orgasm in your mouth. I don’t know when the first time I had it but I know I had it at Nicole’s house. It was some holiday to promote sweets like Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. The chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite. The chocolate covered pineapple and banana are pretty scrumptious as well. Also there is a caramel crunch coated apple thing that is worth tasting. I could eat 50 of those strawberries in one sitting then have to poop immediately afterwards. Well Nicole bought me some edible arrangements chocolate for my birthday this year (July 14th if anyone was wondering.) It was a great present because I love food (hint for Christmas.) I have used it on strawberries, blueberries, Carvel cake and a cookie or two, it is very messy.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
There are already talks of a sequel going forward after the films first week hopefully that means more characters the fans want to see and not more of Marlon Im here to make you laugh by making an ass of myself Wayans, Characters like Beachhead, Stalker, Shipwreck, Dusty and Gung Ho or perhaps even Road Block. Until next time this is Nippy the Penguin saying go see this flick cuz its actually good , and now you know and knowing is half the Battle! YO JOE!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
- Donuts (doughnuts)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I thought about actually patenting the idea or copyrighting or whatever the correct terminology is for it. What sucks is doing something like that costs big bucks. Now what if I don’t have any money and want to invent something new, how am I suppose to make it happen? I have actually thought of a few good ideas for a new product or board game. I don’t know what to do with all these ideas. I’m worried if I wait too long someone is going to invent these things before I do. Some of them seem stupid but I’m sure most products were thought to be stupid at some point. If I had my own lawyer I would list some of my great ideas but you people would probably steal them from me cause you’re greedy bastards!!
There is a website for patenting and copyrighting if you are interested, legalzoom.com. I should pitch my ice cream flavor to Ben and Jerry, I could make millions!! I’m a one man think tank. I should really start writing down my ideas so I don’t forget them. If I only could trust you people with my soon to be money makers. Who else out there has thought up an idea for something but doesn’t know how to get the ball rolling? Well I don’t know either so don’t ask my advice. I feel like I have all these great ideas and can’t do anything with them.
I don't remember what the point of all this rambling was, I just needed to vent about it. You probably want the last few minutes of your life back, well invent the flux capacitor and travel back in time or to the future. First ask Christopher Lloyd if he still has his before you waste your time on yours.
What did the gay man say when he walked into the church?
- Ahhh, men (Amen)
Friday, August 14, 2009
So it’s about four in the morning, I’m kind of tired but I don’t want to go to bed and I’m bored. I usually stay up until 6am watching movies because that’s what I do. I can’t even blog this correctly because the internet is not working so I’m writing this on Mircrosoft Word. What’s even funnier is that we still have dial-up, I know who still uses that, it’s like having a pager (unless you’re a doctor) and believe me it’s a freaking pain the ass. Unfortunately I live in east bumblefuck where apparently internet companies scarcely install good connections, so dial-up is the best we can do. I would do some channel surfing but I’m currently recording Blindness and the tv doesn’t let you change the channel, it has to stay on the channel you are recording. I hope the movie is worth my boredom.
Any who I wanted to give some advice or share my thoughts or some crap like that. I have something called a Dream Book sort of like a journal/diary I guess where I write down….well my dreams. I jot down things I want to accomplish in my life and stuff I would like to do or to learn. For example my last entry dated 8/04/09 was “go on a game show”, I’ve always had a dream to be on The Price is Right, Bob Barker is my hero. Not so much now though since Drew Carey took over, it’s not the same without Bob. Anyway I don’t know if I’m ever going to be on a game show but It’s fun to think about.
I picked up this idea at my last sales job back in 2006 and it helps keep my thoughts down on paper. I have serious stuff in there like owning my own home and silly stuff like having enough extra cash to buy a pony. I don’t even know what the hell I would do with a pony if I actually got one, I guess just to say that I have one. I read all my entries all over again every so often to keep me on track with my goals. If I actually accomplish a goal I go back to that entry and write down the date and mark it as done. Come to think of it there aren’t a lot of things I have accomplished in that thing, I should probably get off my ass, stop blogging and do something productive……..naaahhhh.
The last thing I sort of succeeded in doing was learning how to juggle, you never know when you need to entertain a 7 year old. I haven’t mastered it yet but I got the gist of it. I saw a juggling kit at the mall last year for $8 and I had just wrote it in my book so I was like what the hell. I practiced here and there until I could do it consistently, I believe my record is 28 consecutive balls in the air….. I’m still working on it. I put my application in with Barnum and Bailey, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Believe it or not a lot of stuff you think of to do and you don’t put on paper, you forget. I’ve read my book over several times and there is always something that I forgot I put in there. Now if you don’t have any goals or aspirations in life then this probably is useless to you and you should probably throw yourself out a window for being a waste of life. To make it more fun I cut out pictures out of magazines and glue them in for visual effect. Some of them I forgot to date and was like when in the hell did I write this? It’s tough to reach your goals if you are not always looking at them. It’s not truly a goal unless you put it in ink because then you can always change it to meet what you are doing. It’s okay if you don’t reach your goal but it’s bad if you don’t have one to reach at all. It kind of sounds like I know what I’m talking about, I’m just as surprised as you are. I’d write a book but I’m just stealing ideas other people have taught me.
The point of all this is you need to be working towards something or do you really want to being working at Walmart the rest of your life? I love Walmart but I don’t want to work there (sorry if you do, my bad.) Life is too short to waste it on pointless shit, get out there and make things happen for yourself. Stop surfing the internet for free porn and do something with your life and put your pants on for pete’s sake!! Well if you learned anything from my ranting that’s good enough for me and if anyone knows Bob Barker tell him to call me so we can talk about dropping the restraining order.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Most of you reading this probably don't really care but it's really not for you, it's for Nicole. Don't worry, I will write about other crap soon. I needed to show my emotions and the sensitive side of me for once. Maybe you ladies that read this thought it was cute, whatever. So love the one you're with and tell them how much you mean to them even if they already know.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I graduated high school summer of 2006 at the age of 17. Behind me, I had left 12 years of softball games, drama club, chorus, C-student grades, a certificate to become a nurses aide, and a dream to make something of myself. For as long as I could remember, I had dreams of becoming a Registered Nurse. I never thought of doing anything else; nothing else appealed to me. I went to BOCES
On top of that, they didn’t let me into the nursing program right away, I had to wait until my 5th semester there until they finally let me into the first round of nursing classes. Before this I had taken all my prerequisites, and then some. I basically had nothing else left to take there besides those nursing classes. This wasn’t my fault however, because as I already mentioned, I never failed one class, so it wasn’t me being lazy. It was incompetent guidance counselors that didn’t know their ass from their elbow. For example, one semester, my counselor advised me to register for my first round of nursing classes. Me, being a naive, first child in the family to go to college chick, did as she said, of course, why would I question it? After all, this counselor had been working there for a very long time, so she knew the ins and outs…or so I thought. At this point, I hadn’t completed the appropriate science classes to be able to get into these nursing classes (which I registered for in April). I didn’t know that when I registered however, I trusted my advisor. That summer, I took a study abroad trip to Rome, Italy for 3 weeks (the best time of my life, but that’s another story if I decided to write about it).
Pretty much every semester after that I had encountered a problem. There was not one that went smoothly. My final semester there I was finally in the classes I needed to be and I did great. I went on my clinical through maternity, and even my clinical instructor mentioned how good I was doing. She even could tell I was comfortable with the patients (being that I work in a hospital) and that I knew what I was doing….I was pretty much a zombie that semester (Jamie knows.) I would wake up for class around 6am, drive to school, be in class from 7am to 3pm on a early day, some days went from 7am to 6pm, go and study until 230am at my friends house, drive home 45 minutes, go to sleep by 3am and wake up at 6am to do it all over again. Oh yeah, and throw in some work evenings too from 3-1130. Believe me, I’m not complaining. I loved my classes and I did very well, never failed a test or assignment or any of that.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Ever wonder if rats can vomit? Well they can't, how would someone find that out anyway. I'm guessing taking them to a bar and getting them hammered.
Here are a few facts I thought were worth sharing:
Jaquars are scared of dogs
How many times can a woodpecker peck? 20 times a second
At 90 degrees (F) below zero your breath will freeze and fall to the ground.
The female praying mantis devours her male partner while mating
Bees flag their wings 300 times a second
John Wayne had an 18 inch neck
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite
An elephant is not afraid of a mouse
A giraffe's tongue is black and 17 inches long
The worlds's biggest clam weighs five hundred pounds
The strongest muscle in your body is your tongue
An adult has 206 bones. A newborn infant has 300
Two out of three americans have hemorrhoids
Giraffes can't swim
Cat's can't taste sweet things
All polar bears are left handed
A spider has transparent blood
Baboons cannot throw overhand
An electric eel will short circuit itself if put into salt water
Western Europe is sinking at the rate of one inch every ten years
The average office chair on wheels travels about 8 miles per year
A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse
An adult moth never eats
Your hearing isn't as sharp on a full stomach
In Wilbur, Washington it's illegal to ride an ugly horse
A Lexington, Kentucky law says that you are not permitted to carry ice cream cones in your pocket
There are over 100 pages of these facts. Some are pretty ridiculous. How can I use this knowledge now....?
I recently saw Changeling which was an excellent movie starring Angelina Jolie and John Malkovich which was directed by Clint and I didn't even know that until I saw the movie. Not only does he direct award winning films he also stars in most of them which has to be tough at his age. His past few movies he directed are amongst my favorites; Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby and Mystic River. I'm still waiting to see Blood Work, it's in my Netflix queue somewhere. Clint has a new movie coming out in December it's called Invictus (2009) where he teams up with Morgan Freeman once again. Invictus is about the life of Nelson Mandela after apartheid in South Africa. Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela and he has been waiting on this role for awhile. I love Morgan Freeman too, he's in everything but that's for another day. Matt Damon also stars in it as Francois Pienaar. I'm excited about it, it should be pretty good.
I just started to get into older movies that Clint directed and/or acted in. I recently watched In the Line of Fire and I have a few others sitting in my netflix queue. I love Clint Eastwood (mostly in a platonic and professional way) and I wish he wasn't reaching his 80's, he's making his best stuff now. Hopefully he will keep plugging away at what he does best before he kicks the bucket. If you like movies I highly recommend seeing some stuff by Clint Eastwood, it's pretty awesome.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
14 - District 9
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
21 - Inglourious Basterds
28 - Halloween II
4 - Gamer
11 - 9
18 - The Informant!
23 - Astroboy
25 - Surrogates
2 - Toy Story in 3D (re-release)
9 - Couples Retreat
16 - Where the Wilds Things Are
23 - Saw VI
6 - The Box
13 - 2012
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
11 - Invictus
18 - Avatar
25 - Sherlock Holmes
March 5 - Alice in Wonderland
April 30 - Nightmare on Elm Street
7 - Ironman 2
14 - Robin Hood
21 - Shrek Forever After
11 - The A-Team
18 - Toy Story 3
2 - The Last Airbender
9 - The Green Hornet
Sept. 17 - Resident Evil: Afterlife
Dec. 17 - Smurfs
April 15 - Stretch Armstrong
May 6 - Spider-man 4
3 - Kung Fu Panda 2
17 - The Green Lantern
1 - Transformers 3
22 - Captain America
Okay here is a cool coin trick or riddle or whatever you want to call it First I have to say that this probably won't get you laid but don't knock your chances. Grab some coins, you are going to need 1 quarter, 1 nickel and 1 dime. It would help if you had a table or desk or something flat to put them on. Arrange these coins in a row, quarter, nickel then dime.
Now here are the rules and stipulations:
1. The object is to get the quarter between the nickel and dime.
2. You can move and touch the quarter.
3. You can touch the nickel but you CANNOT MOVE IT. (this includes moving it with any body parts or another object or the quarter.)
4. You can move the dime but you CANNOT TOUCH IT. (this includes touching it with any body part or another object or the quarter.)
Have fun trying to figure this out. If you get the answer feel free to post the answer as a comment. If you go completely crazy trying to figure it out and almost kill yourself then email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone
In truth my favorite band is Green Day but I wouldn’t get a tattoo of them for that reason, that’s dumb. I get pretty peeved when people such as u, probably, think my tat is Tobey Maguire’s secret identity. I’d compare it to asking a fat woman if she is pregnant, you never get a good reaction out of that question.
So for all of u folks that haven’t seen the movie, read the comics or watched the cartoon, it’s time to learn some useless knowledge. I mean right now or the next time someone is gonna get punched in the baby maker.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Judd Apatow's best movie thus far. Funny people is hillarious. It's also a little dark because Adam Sandler is very ill and the cure lies in Seth Rogen's pants.
Don't listen to your moronic friends who saw it and said it wasn't good, they probably have the I.Q. of a hamster. Let them sit through that gerbil movie. It's a great comedy with some dark drama so let's call it a dramady. Now it might be a tad too long, but it still has an excellent story.
I have a sneaking suspicion that Adam Sandler's character is secretly gay because he is always jonesing to see Seth Rogen's thick, meaty cock. Jonah Hill plays Seth Rogen's friend in this film. Jonah is outstanding in this role and he kinda looks like Harry Potter that ate a few too many hobbits. (I know I'm referencing Harry Potter with LOTR but i don't care what u think, it's my review!) As a side note Apatow's wife stars in this film as well (she was Paul Rudd's wife in knocked up) and she is hot.
There is also an outrageous cameo by a very popular and well known rapper, however I won't disclose his name, legal reasons and all but i won't go into that. Both Sandler and Rogen both perform...... no not oral sex..... stand up comedy which Rogen hasn't done since he was 17 and said he will never do it again. Jason Schwartzman plays Rogen's wet douche of a roommate. The whole time you wish Rogen or Hill would just mushroom tattoo his face to put him in his place, maybe they do but u won't know until u see the movie.
Oh so you probably want to know the plot, well I guess I could squeeze that in here.
Adam Sandler's character is very sick and he hires Rogen's character as his personal assistant and joke writer. Leslie Mann stars as Sandler's ex and is married to Eric Bana. Bana does not reprise his role as The Hulk in this film, if he did i might have had to kill a midget. Did you know Bana was Australian? Neither did I!!
Funny people in theaters everywhere or at least i think so, if not you can find it somewhere on your own. I hope this review helped and if it didn't i don't care, you are reading it on a free blog website. If you want a real review go poke Roger Ebert on facebook, moron.